forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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