just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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