I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
