My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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