my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
