I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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