So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
my liver is dry heaving
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
