For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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