It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
