this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
