i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
