Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
