You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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