My Higher Power is John Stamos
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
