YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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