I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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