i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
