Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
