wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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