I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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