forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
