i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize