His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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