I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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