Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Randomize
