Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i think i just lost a toe
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize