Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
