Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dick very happy bro
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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