OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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