I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
"it" just moved
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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