is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
