i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
