Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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