Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
