Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
