Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize