Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
