but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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