she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
