Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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