I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
