On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
