Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
