I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
