dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
