Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
