it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
