I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
