He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
