96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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