By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
