you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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