Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
