Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
