trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Mom said you looked used
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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