So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
