I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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