That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize