Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
