But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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