I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
