K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
