You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
