My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
