life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
