woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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