I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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